Sunday, 14 May 2017

Turn back the PENDULUM!

I AM SO STRESSED OUT THAT I EVEN TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS!! 

GROWING UP IS SUCK! SO SUCK! I WANT MY CHILDHOOD BACK! I HATE WORKING IN A CONDITION WHERE I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I'M HAPPY! IN PLACE WHERE I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I AM ALRIGHT! IN A PLACE WHERE I DON'T FEEL BELONG! IN A PLACE WHERE MY EFFORT ISN'T BEING RECOGNIZED! IN A PLACE WHERE I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT A DEGREE HOLDER! SUCK! EVERYTHING'S SUCK!

Sometimes, I lost it.

I feel like crying, I questioned God, do I deserve to be working like this? 

I long to be someone who can change other people.  I want a CAREER, not a JOB!

Now, I am being ungrateful.  There are so many graduates who are still looking for jobs, yet I don't appreciate my current job.  I'm sorry for being ungrateful.  I'm sorry, but sometimes, I'm tired. I work every Monday till Saturday at 8:00 am to 6:00 pm. Even in Saturday I work full day :'( and sometimes, I even went home later than 6. I work my ass off and get paid with a diploma holder's salary.  I may work in the office, but trust me, the management here isn't that great.  

I AM TIRED PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. :'(

I WANT TO RESIGN, BUT WITH THIS KIND OF ECONOMY NOWADAYS, IT'S HARD TO FIND ANOTHER BETTER JOB. JUST DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE RISK.

I'M SERIOUSLY TIRED. I AM A DEGREE HOLDER, NOT JUST SOME KID WHO HAS PASS A RANDOM EXAM THROWN BY GOVERNMENT!


Regards.

Thanks for reading :) Next entry maybe? ^^

Monday, 16 March 2015

A Ti (To You)

One of the great things that makes me adore Lunafly is this one capability that they possess that might not be possess by other kpop groups is their ability to speak in other languages.

Recently, they have released their Spanish album, "Hermosos Recuerdo" and I found that "A Ti" (the title of one of the songs) is SERIOUSLY AMAZING!!! At first, I just listened to the melody without knowing the meaning of any of those words. The moment when I listened to it, OMG! I JUST FALL IN LOVE! They have produced a masterpiece!

And then, I tried to search for the translation of the song. Guess what, it makes me fall in love with the song more and more!! THE SONG IS JUST GREAT. TRUST ME!

No wonder the song sounds great, it's about heartbreak. And hell yeah, I'm going through a major heartbreak now T^T. Yeah, sad but true and I'm still in recovering phase now.. I'll write an entry about what I've learned through heartbreak later. But now, let's focusing on LUNAFLY. I'll put the lyrics, translation and the link for the song here.

Have a wonderful time listening to it. I'm just a fangirl who wants to spread the love over the world. :)


"A ti"
Quiero olvidarte aunque no es tan fácil decir adiós
Miénteme y dime que no tuviste elección
Dime que este no es nuestro fin
Que aun vivo como un recuerdo dentro de ti
*Hoy seré la sombra de lo que fui
Y a ti y a ti y a ti te deseo que seas feliz
Ya es la hora tienes que partir
Ve sin mi, ve sin mi
No olvides borrarme al amanecer
Siento que enloqueceré
Hasta el viento susurra mi derrota rotunda
Y mientras sonríes
Mis heridas crecen no las puedo detener
Dime que este no es nuestro fin
Que aun vivo como un recuerdo dentro de ti
*Hoy seré la sombra de lo que fui
Y a ti, y a ti, y a ti te deseo que seas feliz
Ya es la hora tienes que partir
Ve sin mi, ve sin mi
No olvides borrarme al amanecer
Ve liberarme
Por que pierdo el control
No me detendré hasta olvidarte
*Hoy seré la sombra de lo que fui
Y a ti, y a ti, y a ti te deseo que seas feliz
Ya es la hora tienes que partir
Ve sin mi, ve sin mi
No olvides borrarme al amanecer
Translation:
"To You"
I want to forget you even thought it ain't easy to say goodbye
Lie to me and tell me you didn't have a choice
Tell me that this isn't our end
That I still live inside of you like a memory
*Today I will turn into the shadow of what I was
And I, and I, and I wish you to be happy
It is time you have to leave
Go without me, go without me
Don't forget to erase me at dawn
I feel like I am going crazy
Even the wind whispers my major fail
And while you smile
My wounds keep growing I can't stop them
Tell me that this isn't our end
That I still live inside of you like a memory
*Today I will turn into the shadow of what I was
And I, and I, and I wish you to be happy
It is time you have to leave
Go without me, go without me
Don't forget to erase me at dawn
Go and set me free
Because I am losing control
I won't stop until I can forget you
*Today I will turn into the shadow of what I was
And I, and I, and I wish you to be happy
It is time you have to leave
Go without me, go without me
Don't forget to erase me at dawn
Translations: solangelvp@gokpop



Thanks for reading :) Next entry maybe? ^^

Monday, 17 November 2014

Are we temporary?



How can I express how much I love you?
How can I tell you that you mean so much to me?
How can I show you I'm devoting my love to you?
How can I make sure you get this message?

   You told me you love me
   You kissed me like you never did to anyone else
   You cried, not letting me to go
   But you're dating another girl and it's not me

Am I a fool or dumb to believe you?
Am I too nice or am I too naive?
My brain told me to leave you
But my heart refuse and want to stay a while.

   You told me you're not happy with her
   You told me you're happy being with me
   Then what makes it so difficult to follow your heart?
   If all you wanted is me all this while?

I'm confused with this relationship
I'm confused which one to follow
I'm confused to what we might end up
Because I can't bear losing someone I dear so much.

   Are we temporary or are we permanent?
   Are we going to stay like this or move on?
   Tell me, what should I do
   Tell me, how are we going to end up

Are we temporary?
Are we temporary?
Are we temporary?

Thanks for reading :) Next entry maybe? ^^

Saturday, 28 June 2014

I'm in Love

Narsha - I'm in Love (English lyrics and translation)



Such a beautiful song to share. Such a wonderful song to express my feeling :)
Love is sweet when it's new, it's getting sweeter when it's true... 
Happy day, God blessed.. :)


Thanks for reading :) Next entry maybe? ^^

Friday, 7 March 2014

Love Melody: Take 1 (fanfic)



Love Melody: Take 1


It is a bright sunny holiday and Jun decides to take a ride to a beach which is not far enough from his house. The beach has been his favorite spot whenever he is free ever since he was small. He used to come there with his mother before his parents met with an accident 7 years ago. And as for now he only lives with his sister who is 3 years older.

The reason he likes that place because it has witness so many beautiful memories he made with his mother which cannot be easily erase from him. He brings his drawing tools along with him and heads to the beach. For him, it is a-must-to-bring-along the drawing tools as he loves to draw the magnificent scenery that lies on the beach. No one knows that the beach has its own secret. Only Jun knows. There is an abandon house which seems like a cottage, painted in white and huge enough to live in, has been built on the hill near the beach. No one realizes its existence as it has been covered by trees all this while.

Today, again, Jun climbs the hill to get some inspiration for his drawing. From up there, he can see the beach and the beauty of nature clearly. As usual, he will get festinates with the beauty of the house. Sometimes, he wonders, why does there is no one lives there? It is so beautiful to resist. Then, he sits on the ground and this time he decides to draw the house and its garden, despite drawing the nature. Something bothers him for a while. He hears a sound of a piano coming from the house. It is the most beautiful sound he ever heard- beautiful enough to set one to sleep. He walks near to the house and there, he sees a beautiful young lady in white blouse playing the piano. Each key she strikes produce a beautiful melody. For a moment, Jun seems hypnotized by the beauty of that lady. The fair of her skin and her gracefulness in striking the keys of the piano make Jun’s eyes see only her. Just then, an old man age for about mid 40 comes approaching her. That young lady smiles at him and says, “Papa.”

“Papa? So, that man is her father.” Jun talks to himself. Worry that they will see him, he rushes back home.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

That night, Jun cannot think straight. He keeps on thinking that young lady. Even his sister knocking his door, he could not hear it.

“Jun. Dinner’s ready. I knock your door a few times. Mind if I come in?”
“Owh… Oneechan.”
“What is it with your face? Are you sick? Daijobu?”
“Erm… Daijobu. Oneechan, do you believe in love at the first sight?”
“Erm… Love at the first sight? Etto… (sits on Jun’s bed) I don’t have such experience but I do believe in it. I believe that “love” is the one who chooses persons to fall for each other and it may in many different forms for different persons when it comes to fall in love. In your case, I guess seeing her for the first time and you starts to like her is another form for love to make it way. Say, who is that girl? J “
“Oneechan! I’m just asking you. It’s not really like I’m in love.”
“Cha right~ Like I believe you… Come on. Get up from your bed. Let’s eat.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, again, Jun rushes to the hill to see that young lady who has made him unable to sleep all night. This time, he is lucky. That girl is watering the flowers in their garden. Jun smiles for no reason. It seems that she is alone at home. As Jun standing still watching the girl, he does not realize that he is stepping on a cat’s tail.

“MEeeeeoooooWWwwwwww!!!!!!!”
“Arh… Kuso!! What the!! You scratch me?!! Ouch!!”

Jun’s scream makes the girl stop from her work and rushes towards him.

“Are you okay, mister?”
“(2 minutes silent) Erm…. Yes. I’m okay.”
“Oh, God! You’re bleeding. Wait here. I’ll get my first aid.”

For a moment, his heart stops beating and he cannot breathe normally. He tries to pull himself together.

“(Treating Jun’s injury) Done. You should be more careful, mister. By the way, what is your name and what are doing here?”
“Thanks. Oh, me? I’m Jun. Matsumoto Jun. I usually come here to draw. And you? I have never seen you here before. Are you living in that house?”
“Oh… yes. Actually, it’s my grandpa’s house. It has never been used as we live in Korea. It’s just this week my family moved here. I’m Seo Joo Hyun. Please to meet you.”
“Owh, I see. You’re not Japanese after all but I really impress with your Japanese language. Say, how old are you?”
“I’m 19.”
“Same with me. J You don’t mind if I come here to draw, do you?”
“Owh... not at all. After all, it’s great to have someone to talk with during the days. If you don’t mind, may I see your drawings?”
“Yah… sure. But it’s not good enough, I’m still amateur.”
“Wow! These are great! Is that the beach? It looks so real.”

And so, the talk keeps continue until the sunset.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Each and every single day, they become closer. Closer enough to fall for each others, but every love story has its own antagonist characters. Theirs, it’s just about to begin.

It happens that Jun brings Seo back to his house where he wants her to meet his sister, Keiko.

“Onechan, this is my friend, Seo Hyun. Seo, meet my sister, Keiko.”
“Ohaiyo. I’m Seo Hyun. Please to meet you, Keiko-san.”
“Oh… Ohaiyo… So, you are Seo Hyun that Jun keeps talking about all this while... wow! You sure are pretty! Please, take a seat. You don’t want to stand all day long, aren’t you? Jun, why don’t you get us some drinks?”
“Ok. Right away.”

“So, Seo Hyun. I heard that you are a great pianist.”
“Not really. I’m still learning. I still have so much to catch on.”
“Owh, I see. But that’s not what I heard from Jun. He says that whenever you play the piano, everything will be in complete silent, for like they are focusing on your melody.”
“Hahaa.. He’s just being too dramatic. Well, you know, he also got the talent. I saw his paintings, they’re just awesome. That’s what I call art.”
“Well, when he was young, mom gave him those things whatever you call it for drawings, and after our parents passed away, he seemed not wanted to be away from those. I guess he really miss our parents.”

“Life must be difficult for the two of them,” Seohyun thought by herself, feeling sorry.

With a sudden, an anonymous voice coming approaching, shouting for Jun’s name.
“JUN-kun!!!! Where are you baby? I come to see you.”

Just by hearing that, Seo feels like a knife has cut her heart pieces by pieces and it really hurts.  She tries to calm herself and acts like nothing bothers her.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” asks the girl in the most unpleasant way.
“I’m Seo, Jun’s friend. And you?”
“Me? Can’t you tell? I’m his fiancée, his future bride.”

*Seo’s expression changes completely.

Jun then approaches them.
“Aya? What are you doing here?”    *Aya hugs Jun.
“Junnnnnnnnnn~~~ I miss you, so I come here. Jun-kun,, let’s go shopping. There are so many things I want to buy.”
“But….” before Jun can say any words, Aya drags him forcefully with all her might.

Seo freezes. She’s speechless. It hurts. Really hurt.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later at that night, Seo cannot focus on anything. She keeps on thinking on what happened that evening. Is Jun has feelings for that girl? She keeps on wondering that. The conversation between her and Jun’s sister keeps on popping on her mind.
Keiko-san has mentioned that she works for Aya’s dad in his company and since Aya’s dad is a good friend of her late father, there was an agreement they made long ago that was to marry Jun with Aya.

“So it’s true then. Aya really is Jun’s fiancée.” Seo talks to herself. Tears start falling, her heart starts ripping, aching all over places. That night she sleeps in sorrow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

5 hours earlier (the time when Jun and Aya went shopping)

“When did you back to Japan? I thought you’re still in America.” Jun asks Aya, out of curiosity.
“Yesterday. I’m here to prepare for your birthday party. Your birthday, 3 days from now.”
“Aya, you know I don’t need that. I don’t want party. Every year you always do this for me.”
“Ermm arhhh~ (Aya’s acting cute) NO!  I still want you to have your party. This year and many years to come.”
“Thank you Aya but not this time. You’ve done so much for me since we’re kids.”
“NO NO NO!!  You will have your party.”
Jun sighs. He’s too tired to argue. He knows that girl, always wants to win.

“Tell me Jun, who’s that girl before? You never bring girls at home.”
“Seo? She’s a friend.”
“Just friend?”
“Well… you see… actually she’s a girl I fall in love with.” Jun smiles and Aya’s expression completely change. The expression of anger, revenge, hatred.
Jun continues,

“I haven’t told her my feelings, I don’t know if she also feels the same. I was planning on telling her my feelings on my birthday.” Jun is still smiling, seems like he is in his own world.

Aya stops walking. She looks very angry. Jun is puzzled with her behavior and so he stops walking too. Aya then screams.

“JUN NO BAKA!! ANTA BAKA DESOU! Don’t you know I love you all this time? I love you more than you love her. All this while I have been trying to get your attention but why didn’t you see me? Don’t you love me too?”

Jun knows that but…
“Aya… I’m sorry. You’re like a little sister to me. I can’t accept you more than that.”
“But what about the marriage? The marriage that our fathers had planned?”
“I’ve never agree to that, Aya. It was made based on friendship, not my feelings. My feelings for Seo are real and I want her, Aya. Please, don’t make this difficult.”
“Trust me Jun. You’ll be sorry for this!”

There’s a threaten in Aya’s word and her expression shows that she’ll do something that will make Jun regrets for what he has said. She left him there alone.
Jun is worried for he knows that Aya will do anything to get what she wants.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

The very next day

Seo receives a letter. She seems expressionless. A few minutes after she reads the content of the letter, she receives a phone call from an unknown number.

“Moshi, moshi.” Seo answers the phone.
“Seo Joo Hyun. Am I right?” the caller tries making a guess.
“Yes. It’s Seo Joo Hyun. May I know who’s this speaking?” Seo out of curiosity asks the caller.
“Aya-desu.”
The moment when Seo hears the name, her heart feels like stop beating. Her eyes are open wide. She has no words.

“I need to see you today. Meet me at the park at 3.” Aya starts to speak when there’s no word coming out from Seo.
“Why is it you need to see me, Aya-san?” Seo politely asks.
“I’ll tell you when we meet. Make sure to come. I’ll see you then.” Aya sounds ordering.
Seo is speechless.
At the park.

Seo arrives first. On her way to the park, she thinks a lot. Why does Aya want to see her? Is it related to Jun? Of course it is. Isn’t it obvious? She sits on the nearest bench, waiting for Aya patiently.

Aya then arrives and with hated in her eyes, she looks at Seo disgustingly.

“How can Jun fall for someone like her? She’s not even pretty.” Aya thought by herself.
“Konnichiwa Aya-san. Why is it you want to see me?” Seo starts to ask.
“Well, you see.. I’m Jun’s fiancée and to be honest, I don’t like seeing you with him. You know, we’re going to get married and I don’t want Jun’s heart to be swayed by you.”

At that moment, she feels like she’s the bad person for being the brick between Jun and Aya. She feels like crying but she tries not to. She keeps on silent. She loses her words.

“You’re from Korea, aren’t you?” Aya asks her and she nods.
“I suggest, you should get back to your country and never show here again, so that Jun and I can live happily ever after. What do you think? Brilliant, isn’t it?” Aya smiles with her own words.

Seo then tells her, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Japan is my second home. I live here. Besides, you don’t have to worry about Jun. He doesn’t like me. I’m just a friend to him.”

Aya’s expression changes. “Are you in love with Jun, Miss Seo? Because you see, you’re just wasting your time, chasing over something that you can’t have. Jun is mine and what mine is cannot be shared. You’re also a girl and I bet you know how I feel when there is someone who is in love with your fiancée. Unfortunately for you Miss SeoHyun, Jun loves me and only me. So, stop hoping and start to back off. I hope you understand and please don’t show yourself in front of Jun again. Okay?”

Aya leaves Seo speechless. Aya’s words pierce her heart. What Aya has been saying is indeed true. She is just wasting her time, chasing over something that she can’t have. She hurries back home and at that night, she locks herself in her room. The letter she received earlier, she read it again and again and again. She makes up her mind. She’ll be leaving Japan to further her study in music. The letter she received was from a university in Italy, informing her that she is accepted to further her study there. Now that she remembers, she has been applying to enter the university since she was still in Korea. The opportunity is finally right in front of her but to leave Jun?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

A day before Jun’s birthday

Seo has been dodging Jun’s phone call lately. That noon he decides to go to Seo’s house. The moment when he steps out from his house, Aya approaches him.

“Jun! Are you going somewhere?”
“Oh! Aya. I’m going to Seo’s house.”
Aya seems unpleasant with the answer.
“Jun, help me with something, please.”
“Sorry Aya. I have to see Seo right now.”
“NO! You have to come with me. Only after that, you can go see her.”
Jun sighs. He has no other choice accept for following Aya.

Not long after Jun and Aya leave the house, Seo comes.
“Keiko-san, is Jun home?” Seo asks Jun’s sister, Keiko.
“Jun? Oh, he was with Aya just now. They’re going somewhere. Why is it you’re looking for him, Seo-chan?”
Seo smiles bitterly.
“Really? Ermmm… Keiko-san, can you hand this over to Jun?” Seo gives a letter to Keiko.
“Why don’t you give this to him by yourself?” Keiko seems puzzle.
“I’m going to Italy to further my study. My flight is tonight. I thought I could see Jun for the last time, but it seems like he’s not home. Well, I have to leave now. I have things to pack. Please send my regards to Jun, Keiko-san. Hope we can see each other again.”

Seo leaves and at that moment, Keiko feels really sorry for Jun. She knows that her brother really loves that girl and she doesn’t know how he will react after hearing the news.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that night.

Seo is ready to set her foot off to airport. She waits for Jun to come but it seems like he probably won’t come. Seo then hurries to get inside a car. The rain at that night seems not wanting her to leave Japan. She gives her last glance to the house she has been living in. She then remembers the very first time she met Jun. The car heads to the airport. Seo cries silently.

On the other hand, Jun arrives late that night. The moment when he gets back home, his sister rushes towards him.

“Where have you been, Jun? I’ve been calling you like hundred times today.”
“You did? Oh, gome! My phone is out of battery. It’s raining outside, I’m already wet. Lend me the towel, please.”
“So you don’t know anything?”
“Know what?”
“Jun, Seo is leaving Japan. She’s going to Italy to further her study. Don’t you want to see her for the last time?”
“SHE WHAT??? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? HOW DO YOU KNOW? ONECHAN!!”
“I tried to call you Jun. She went here, giving me this. She wants me to hand this over to you.”
Jun reads the letter that Seo gives him.

Dear Jun,
Thank you for everything. I wanted you to know that it has been such a great thing knowing you.  You’re a good guy and that is why I do not want to ruin your relationship with Aya-san. You are so kind to me and if I stay any longer I might fall in love with you. Besides, I have always wanted to further my study in Italy. Now, I have the opportunity open widely in front of me, you wouldn’t expect me to give it up, right? J I hope you’ll be happy with Aya-san. Take care of yourself.

Seohyun.
The moment when he finishes reading the letter, he rushes out from the house. His mind is blank, he has no idea where to go. It’s raining cats and dogs and with no direction, he just runs. At the same time, he tries to call Seo but it’s useless. No one’s answering the phone. He cries. Cries as loud as he can.

“Seohyun no baka! You’re stupid! I don’t want to be happy with Aya. I want to be happy with you. No one else matter to me except you. I LOVE YOU. Why can’t you wait till I tell you these? Why?”

Jun can only cry and feeling regret for not telling Seo how much she means to him. Will he be able to see Seo again? Is this their fate?

“Is this how it supposed to end?”

THE END?

Thanks for reading :) Next entry maybe? ^^